Side Note(s) # 2

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State of mind // July 2022 in November 2022

I am perhaps among the lucky few in the world who have the time, resources and space to think about what they want to do and who it is that they want to be. An utmost privilege, if you ask me. Yes, such ponderings and realizations do take place within certain constraints and structures and have their limits. Regardless, being on a quest to build the selves is a deeply privileged one.

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I’ve been thinking about compartmentalization (again) in recent times. Is professional the opposite of personal? Should they be opposites? What do we gain or lose in such processes?

It’s been about a decade or so since I have existed in this space – this blog. My somewhat professional selves on the internet exist on platforms like LinkedIn, Twitter (partially) and organisational websites. I can claim with some certainty that some “professional folks” come across this blog while looking for my credentials and such. What does my audience here look like? I wonder what those who know me (solely) professionally think of these thoughts and words. Do they jeopardise my “professionalism”? Or do they make me more human?

I may have been censoring myself more in recent years and have found it increasingly difficult to write and share photos for myself and my audience of three. My invisible (professional) audience get to my head on most days, so I weigh my thoughts and words with caution.

Sometime earlier this year I felt an intense need for “creativity” in my work. I didn’t understand what it meant; I still don’t. For now, I know that I like stories – of people, places and thoughts – and I enjoy “connecting the dots.” I also know that the compartmentalised selves feel cold, lonely and incomplete; they feel inauthentic.

Side Note # 1

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A view from North End’s staircase in Ukhiya, Cox’s Bazar. September 2022.

A new decade and another attempt at writing for the self. I appreciate how this blog has space for documenting my changing perspectives and thoughts. This space, I feel, keeps evolving as I do. This evolution (or my reflections on it) seems to come with pauses. I have barely reflected on and written about my thoughts and experiences – at least outside of school and work – in the past three years. Perhaps now is the time to remedy that.